Let's get real. Read this blog by our Tech Pal intern Maisha Rahman
Navigating friendships when you're blind comes with its own unique set of challenges compared to learning the ropes while being sighted. And I'm not just saying that. We'll dive into this more in the sections ahead, and I promise to keep it real and practical—no cheesy stuff here.
It took me a while to overcome my own insecurities related to my disability and become more confident as a person. I had a lot of questions running through my mind: Who would hang out with me? Would people assume I can’t talk just because I’m blind? Am I good enough to be a friend to anyone?
These are all valid and normal concerns for anyone with a disability. But I want to share a different perspective—one that helped me move past this self-deprecation. The most important thing to remember is this: you are absolutely worth a friend's time. Don't be ableist against yourself. Society might have people who are already ableist against you; the worst thing you can do is treat yourself as unfairly as they do. You have to be your own biggest advocate.
Not everyone in the world is ableist, so you can rest assured that you will make friends. Not everyone will assume you can't talk and ignore you. Not everyone will find you a hassle. In fact, you'll find people who are genuinely interested in you. This means you don't have to prepare for a life of isolation!
Remember, no sighted person is friends with everyone they meet, either. You have the freedom to choose which friends to keep and which ones to let go of. I would never advise you to settle for bad friends out of fear of not being able to make new ones. The world is full of possibilities, and there are only so many negative people in it. Take it from me—someone who is completely blind and has made many friends over the years, and yes, also weeded out the bad ones.
Even if you feel confident, you might still encounter ableist behaviors. It's normal to feel frustrated with them, and it’s important to remember that ableism is never okay. However, if these behaviors come from your friends, they might be trying to protect you or show compassion without realizing their actions are ableist. I call this well-intentioned ableism. Here's what to do about it.
You might feel confident, but you might not be presenting yourself that way. This has been my experience. To make sure you project confidence, try to be mindful of "blindisms"—specific behaviors that are exclusively related to a visual impairment. Examples include rocking back and forth, sticking fingers in your eyes, a lack of eye contact, or speaking at inappropriate volumes. Avoiding these can help your friends perceive you as more self-aware and confident.
Also, be aware of your facial expressions and posture. Maintaining good posture shows confidence, which helps your friends put their well-intentioned ableism aside. Taking care to adjust your facial expressions appropriately shows self-awareness in social settings and lets your friends know that you can experience the meaningfulness of facial expressions just like them.
Sadly, being confident isn’t always enough. Sometimes, your friends might still exhibit ableist behaviors. For instance, one friend might ask another friend to ask you a question, and that second friend might speak for you instead of letting you respond directly. In situations like this, self-advocacy is the best approach. It shows you're assertive and sets clear boundaries.
Using "I" statements can be very effective. For example, "I don't like it when people speak for me. It makes me feel like they're assuming I can't talk, and I find that offensive." This might feel unfair because it should be obvious that a blind person can talk. However, remember it’s often well-intentioned ableism at play. Approaching these situations with the mindset that you are teaching your friends how to be friends with a blind person can make it feel less daunting.
Sometimes, when advocacy doesn't work, it helps to pleasantly surprise your friends. Let's say you're on a group project, and your friends want to do all the work because they don’t think you can produce high-quality work. You've tried advocating for yourself, but they insist it would be "easier" if you just made edits.
Instead of waiting, do the design portion. Yes, the most visual part. You can do that while being blind, and here's how. You get a piece of paper and a marker. You open the Ally app on your phone and ask it to help you draw what you intend for the design. You periodically point the phone's camera to see if you're doing it right. Then you take a picture of your drawing, save it, and paste it into the project.
Send a message to your friends letting them know you've updated the design section and ask for revisions. They'll be shocked at first, but once they see your amazing work, they’ll be utterly fascinated. You'll be transformed from the friend who seems unable to complete tasks to the cool friend with talent and tools that make you a creative force. I've personally used these tools and this "prove them wrong" method for multiple school projects, and my teachers were always impressed.
While self-advocacy and being proactive are great tools, you want to take it all with a grain of salt. This doesn't mean you should tolerate ableism, but rather that you should be mindful of your tone. Make sure you use the same warm, informal tone you normally use with your friends so you don't come across as pushy.
It’s also important to understand that your friends won't stop exhibiting ableism overnight. Learning takes time, and learning how to be friends with a blind person is no different. Be patient with the friends who, despite being a bit much at times, are simply trying to show they care. Maintaining clear communication without treating your friends like colleagues will help keep them around.
I hope this blog post was helpful, reassuring, and engaging. I wish you all the best on your journey of navigating friendships while being blind. While this may all seem out of reach, small steps can lead to big achievements. I hope these insights and tools help you as much as they have helped me.
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